dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
