marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
