4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
