This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
