i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
