dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
