I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
