Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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