This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
