I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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