I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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