dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
