...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And the cops told us we were all naked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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