sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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