i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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