My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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