The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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