Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
