a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
