It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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