It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
