chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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