also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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