You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
