you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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