U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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