You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
