My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
