how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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