at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
