I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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