I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
