honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
