we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
