why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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