Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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