Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
