And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
