You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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