Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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