Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We are two peas in an std pod
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
