She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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