He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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