who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
