just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want is dick and wine.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
