so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
