why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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