he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we're so committed to being not committed
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