just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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