The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
