when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Be still, my beating vagina.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
