I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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